After some soul searching and personal contemplation, I think I have figured out what my biggest weakness is now. At first, I would have always pegged it as impatience. I never seemed to be able to wait for things, and if I didn’t get what I wanted with something soon enough, I eventually would leave it. I can’t even count the number of projects and undertakings I have got involved in and never completed because I didn’t feel that anything was happening. But impatience is not my weakness.
What is this thing that I am looking to happen? I now believe my weakness is the need for instant gratification. Not something I would have figured for myself but now believe to be true. Unless I feel I am getting something in return, just SOME emotional reward, I am unable to stick to a project. Because of my memory I am unable to recall any past projects that fell into this trap, but I do think that my recent attempt at volunteering in India did. I was able to stay there living in bare bones format for two months satisfied but once most of the children I was working with left the place for summer holidays to go live with their broken families I felt bored, left and didn’t return. In contrast, I was able to stick with a difficult programming project until its end because I got satisfaction as I gradually progressed along my route with little to no stagnation even though there was plenty of stress and tension in solving problems.
I hope this is something I can overcome. It is something that will affect the future of EpilepsyDubai. It has been a month and half almost since inception and no active members. I have attended a possible source of members at GNC’s meetings but they only take place once a month. So this slow pace will be a test of me. Wish me well….